here i am, send me

If great paintings could talk, and they saw you walking through the gallery staring at the floor, they would cry out, “Look! Look at me. I am the reason you are here.” And when you look and exult in the beauty of the paintings with those around you, your joy would be full. You would not complain that the paintings should have kept quiet. They rescued you from wasting your visit. In the same way no child complains, “I am being used” when his father delights to make the child happy with his own presence.” – John Piper

What a night. Very eye opening and challenging. Love rescues even the darkest hearts. Here I am, really with nothing much to give.

ello again.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written on this blog but it’s not fair to say I haven’t been thinking much just because I haven’t. Truth is much has happened since then and much has been thought. A recap of some of the major events that happened: Couple weeks back I went to Cali for an onsite interview. I lugged my bulky camera with me. Let me tell you that bringing the camera was more of a hassle but looking at the pictures now I’m glad I did it. FACT09 has opened my eyes and given me a greater heart for God’s people but it has been hard afterwards. I’m back to the norms of my life and it’s natural to become selfish. It’s quite ironic how this past week’s bible study focused on Heaven and Hell. Urgency. Do I have it?

Take me a little deeper to FACT09. The opening ceremony was given by a Catholic father from a local church actually, here in Champaign. It was basically his testimony but the driving question he challenged the audience was this: We all have a desire to fulfill our hearts with happiness. Every action we choose is taken because we strongly believe that it’ll take us one step closer to true happiness. For him, it was finally realizing that the answer was Jesus.

You know, that’s a driving question that every person will ask. If you’re dumb and am satisfied with going through life purposeless you will find regret when you’re old. I’m sorry if that’s you. We’re all going to face death. It’s a common eliminator. Whether you’re rich or poor like Lazarus, death will come. So then the natural question to ask is what is after death? As Christians we believe that Heaven or Hell awaits. There is a great chasm that separates the two and once you’re in one, you’re stuck there forever.

“But what is eternal life? Jesus tells us exactly what he meant: “And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent” (John 17:3). What is eternal life? It is to know God and his Son, Jesus Christ, No thing can satisfy the soul. God loves us best by giving us the best to enjoy forever, namely himself, for he is best”

Today I walked on the quad and for the first time, for the first time I tried to see people through a spiritual lens. People destined to go to Hell. I’m not saying this to boast or anything, but try it. It breaks your heart. I lack urgency. Please change me.

lyrical genius

I’m done with work for the summer and I’ll be heading back to school after this weekend. I’m pretty excited yet already feeling the workload on my shoulders. Last time to get excited about starting school. Unreal.

Recently, I’ve been listening to Lupe Fiasco’s new single “Shining Down” a lot. I’ll be honest, I’m not the greatest at understanding the lyrics of hip hop songs. So I go to songmeanings.net and look up what these artists are talking about. It’s pretty nasty. Nasty as is I’ve never realized how deep and profound some of the lyrics turn out to be. It’s almost too poetic and many times I overlook them. Much respect to rappers. And to me, I mean the real rappers. None of that junk praising sex, drugs, and infidelity but really addressing the issues out there.  I think that’s why I respect Lupe so much. There’s so much meaning behind one line. For example here’s a line from the song- “Lu don’t move no cowards, you’ve only heard lions”.  I don’t know what the heck this means. But an excerpt from a fella who posted on that website broke it down:

Lu don’t move. No cow herds, you only heard lines – are you kidding me??!??! Thats a quadruple entendre:

Lu don’t moo, no cow-words you’ve only heard lines
Lu don’t moo, no cow-words you’ve only heard lions
Lu don’t move no cow-herds you’ve only herd lions
Lu don’t move no cowards, you’ve only heard lions [note: lions = symbol of courage]

Unreal

[Note: "Lu" = Lupe] Lupe also addresses a lot of other things in his songs. Check him out and be open minded if all you’re use to listening to is what’s on the radio.

don’t sweat the technique

Golf is the hardest sport in the world! I want to put so much power in the swing but it becomes horrible when I do.  It’s soooo funny to hear from my parents, “stop putting so much muscle into it.  it’s all about finesse, like thissss”. Then they swing. It’s frustrating but addicting. The few hits I get where the ball goes straight and far feels so good. For now I live for those shots.

where did summer go?

I saw The Departed again today and it has got to be by far one of the movies I admire and love the most. The cast is insanely stacked and Oscar performances by Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon allow for the movie to be watched over and over again.  Not to mention, the fearsome villain played by Jack Nicholson deserves credit too. Maybe it’s all the swearing in the dialogue that makes it sound even more compelling but performances are just above the standards. Props props props for good movies. It’s sad but summer is more than halfway over. There are still so many things that I want to do.

Summer 09 Wish list

1. Beach and actually swim
2. Choreography to a couple songs I really like
3. Finish reading some books I started a long time ago
4. Cubs game?!
5. Six Flagggss
6. Learn some new songs
7. Visit Champaign
8. Watch Harry Potter

So stoked for Half Blood Prince….

music makes you lose control

For a ridiculous reason, the AC in my house doesn’t work as well for the second floor which is where my room is. Air circulation is poor and it adds humidity to a long overdue summer heat wave outside. But despite the heat, I’m a proud owner of a guitar now. It’s prettyyyy.

in light of father’s day

I’ve been reading a lot lately and it’s a goal I have during the summer. It’s really hard to read something other than your textbook or lecture notes once school starts so hey, I think summer’s a pretty good time to catch up on some good reads. I went to Barnes&Noble and impulsively bought Blue Like Jazz. I’ve heard mixed reviews about this book so I sat down and read the first chapter and I think I’m going to give it a shot. I already kind of like the steam of consciousness style of writing cause I think that’s what I do a lot.

Seeing my father happy today makes me happy. Happy Father’s day.

filled, only to be empty again

The Hillsong concert a couple weeks back has been so satisfying. I seriously am not saying this for my own sake but I don’t really cry during concerts but at one point the lyrics of the song just hit me in a different way. It’s sort of like you’ve known all this already in your head but your eyes suddenly open up and you know the truth. You’re broken and all you want to do is surrender to God. There are certain things I don’t feel like writing here. They are deep and personal. It’s something that I treasure but may these pictures do the talking. God truly uses ordinary broken people for his awesome plan.

In response

Friends make life so much better. Laughter and fellowship are so blessing. That’s all I’ll say.  Koinonia :]

it’s a beautiful friday. a little too beautiful.

Dude face it, life is hard. Whoever says life is easy can blow their ignorance and slap back into reality. It’s dang hard. I’ve realized no matter who you are there are certain hardships placed in our lives that force us to question “is this really it?” Maybe it’s money. We’re all living in tough times and when doesn’t the issue of money come to our heads at least once a day? Or maybe it’s boredom. You sit idle and sulk in temporary fixes. The mundane routine of life makes us feel purposeless. So you make a list of things to do hoping that somehow accomplishing the tasks set out ahead you might feel some purpose or joy. This is probably applicable during the summer time to a lot of us. Jealousy, that’s a big one. You hear what other people are doing with their lives and something inside you deploys the question of comparisons of have nots, leading to materialism. After working two summers in a row in the industry, my head has gotten big thinking I know it all. But the sad truth is, I wish I didn’t. And I probably don’t know it all. It’s pretty dang hard trying to live for Christ in the workplace. People already have old habits that are too hard to get rid of and their pride blocks away most if not all opportunities by the time you’re out of college. Apathy is huge. It’s hard to have the heart of Christ for other people. You work for a paycheck but a team player is always better than someone who tries to work by himself. But in the end, everything is for selfish gain whether it’s more money, pride, or respect. Regret. That’s also big. For some of us, maybe it’s regret on how we treated our parents. Most of us don’t realize how much our parents sacrificed and love us until we get to college. Maybe it’s health. You’ve lost loved ones to illness and so you’ve become a control freak thinking if you exercise this much or eat this way you won’t suffer and be happy. But in the end, in the end there is nothing. That’s the truth. Nothing in this world that will fulfill this joy we seek. No finite amount of money, no wife or husband, no video game, no health, no respect, no blank that will make us happy forever. It wears out. It’s the law of diminishing return. This emptiness is too great. And maybe it’s some who realize this that you hear stories of people who give up luxurious and comfortable lives and go to seminary to become pastors or missionaries. It’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot. It’s during bible studies when you study the word, or spend a couple minutes in genuine prayer, or when you see someone who’s going through a hard time lift up the name of God in dependence that give you a glimpse of this joy. Sometimes I just wish I could have more time in a day. There is such wisdom that comes from reading. This has been a random rant. But it’s helping me sort things out. God is satisfying.